He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
