You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
