I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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