Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
