dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
