im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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