How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
