Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
