white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
