you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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