I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
