So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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