Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
