i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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