go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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