No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
