We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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