Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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