I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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