Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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