he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
