We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
