Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
