as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
