and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
