Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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