Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
