weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
