Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
