Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have fence marks all over my body
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
