It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
