Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
