i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You are the jesus of drinking
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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