True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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