I murdered the dance floor call the cops
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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