This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
