I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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