whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
