Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.