At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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