new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.