I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee