He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?