So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize