I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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