i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
