Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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