I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
