so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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