so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
