Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
