I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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