i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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