I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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