He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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