I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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