you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
