I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
