I smell stomach acid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
