I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
