so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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