Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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