I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
