I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
