he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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