Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
