We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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