Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
