I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
