i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
