Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
