she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
