My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
