You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Vodka?
Forever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
