Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
