you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
