Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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