I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need to get me chipped asap
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
