Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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