Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize