Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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