is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
