Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
