i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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