See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
