We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
