i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
