I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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