dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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