I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
