Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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