I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
