Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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