how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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