Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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